Protecting humanity through aggressive, unsolicited affection since 2026.
In a world of firewalls, VPNs, and security protocols, we believe the strongest defense is a really good hug. Not a side hug. Not an A-frame hug. A full-contact, both-arms, squeeze-the-anxiety-out-of-you defensive hug.
Our trained hug operatives form a protective perimeter of warmth around individuals experiencing Monday.
An imagined 24/7 rapid deployment team (not a real service). Average response time: 4.7 seconds. Bring tissues.
An imagined mesh network of huggers in every country. Latency: warm.
An imagined 6-week intensive. Graduates earn a Black Belt in Compassionate Restraint (not a real certification).
Our field reports are fiction, like the rest of the stories. Read them on the Stories page.
There is more to this than one page. Dig in.